Kleines Amerikanerin

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2010-10-08T16:55:00.000-04:00

Wir Sind Ein Volk

2010-10-08T05:15:00.010-04:00

This weekend my fair city of Leipzig celebrates the 21st Anniversary of the Friedliche (Peaceful) Revolution of East Germany against Communist rule. In 1989 there was a massive protest in the square in front of Nikolaikirche (St. Nicholas Church) where a group of 320,000 East Germans gathered to peacefully protest the Communist government and the separation of East and West Germany. These peaceful protests were held for many weeks, led by Nikolaikirche's Protestant preacher Christian Führer.The anti-Communist citizens of Leipzig took to the streets on October 9th with a chant of "We Are The People," protesting the oppressive government and demanding the reunification of Germany and the freedom of democracy. Other German cities (such as Berlin) immediately followed suit, and a month later the Wall had fallen.

Friedliche Revolution, October 9, 1989

Nikolaikirche Denkmal (St. Nicholas Church Monument)

Though I credit having Annika (my sister-from-another-mister & German foreign exchange student) living with us when I was in high school as being the catalyst for my interest in German language and culture, I am probably discounting a major factor for my interest, which is the fall of the Berlin Wall. The Wall came down when I was in first grade and was probably the first political action I was ever keenly aware of. I can actually remember seeing newspaper and television images of this happening, and it must have had a profound effect on a six year old me to see hundreds of thousands of people claiming their freedom and peacefully reuniting their country. I can't ever know what it must have been like for those who were there on those nights; at the Nikolaikirche on Oct 9th or in Berlin on November 9th when the Wall came down; they must have experienced a sense of exhilaration so powerful that even imagining it gets me choked up. This year is the celebration of the 20th Anniversary of German Reunification.

The German people seem to have an extremely tense relationship with their past- the second World War colors their view of themselves and their country to this day. To me, though, the fact that they earned their freedom through solidarity and peaceful protest is profoundly moving and inspiring and keeps me fascinated with this place and it's people.

The Day the Wall Came Down, sculpture outside of the George H.W. Bush Presidential Library

Over the fondue pot...

2010-10-07T16:43:00.005-04:00

Tonight my lovely mitbewohnerin (roommate) invited me to eat dinner with her and a group of her friends. It was so lovely of her to invite me, and the fondue was absolutely delicious. But unfortunately, I am still an absolute failure in social situations with Germans. My German speaking abilities are so rudimentary that it's laughable and inevitably embarrassing. I do think they give me a break... I try to make it clear I haven't studied all that much German and that I've only been here for a few weeks. Yet I still find my cheeks burning whenever someone asks me what, presumably, is a very simple question. Something like "Where do you come from?" can trip me up so much it's ridiculous. I know it's my problem entirely, and that no one is judging me harshly for not understanding... but having to ask "Wie bitte?" (pardon me?) 3 times when someone asks a third grade level question is just not cool.
Last night I had a conversation at the kneipe (bar) with my friend James about stepping outside ones comfort zone... that it's important to do so because otherwise one finds themselves trapped in a very staid existence. I heartily agree, and therefore found it important to accept tonight's invitation to dinner with 7 German speakers rather than booking it to a place where I could speak English with other Americans. It was sort of difficult, and I couldn't really understand the nuances of the conversations, but I could get the general idea. It's nice to hear a stream of conversation and be able to pick up one out of every four or five words. I feel like I'm improving despite myself and I think being in just that sort of situation is exactly what I need. Despite how embarrassing it can sometimes feel.
Things have been going so well here in Leipzig. I couldn't be happier. I have a room in a really lovely apartment with two other girls, I am enrolled in some very awesome classes at the Universität (one of which is a pedagogic class!) and I have made friends with some truly wonderful people. I have nothing to complain about. I just hope my German speaking/understanding picks up more quickly than it has been so far.

Leaving.

2010-08-25T07:47:00.006-04:00

I can't believe it's already August 25th. Time continues it's inevitable march toward September 7th, The Day I Leave, with little consent for my wishes. My wishes being: for every day to stretch interminably, filled with laughter and friends, for every night to be filled with glorious dreams and to wake up in a familiar bed, in a familiar home, and to tiptoe downstairs to a familiar family. In less than two weeks this will all be turned on it's head. In less than two weeks I'll be boarding a trans-Atlantic airplane that will carry me to my new life, the airplane that signifies the end of the other new life that I've cultivated for myself this year. And a new life it is, too... I have met more people, become close to more people, and done more exciting things in the twelve months since I've been home from Europe than I had in twenty six years previous. I have crammed more friendships, roadtrips, and experiences into the past year than I can even remember, and I'm proud of that. I'm proud of the person I'm becoming. It's a rough road, but I can see myself "getting there," even if it's slowly. I can see myself becoming the confident, intelligent, motivated, self-actualized person I ultimately want to be.

Leaving this family will be difficult. I've left families before and it's always a bitter pill to swallow. The first family I nannied for had two sparklingly beautiful girls, the Ladybirds as I still like to refer to them. I left them because the job simply no longer existed once the youngest entered full time school. Our last day was a mini-carnival... Eating cake, jumping on the trampoline, playing on the swings, decorating hand dyed tie dye tee shirts together (that said "My nanny loves me" with handprint "wings" on the back.) I still have the photos of the three of us in our shirts, hugging and squeezing and looking happy as clams despite how heartbroken we all were. I still miss them. That was over six years ago. The girls are now tweens, which is fairly mindblowing. I'm lucky enough to hear from their mom once in a while, who sends me pictures of them, now tall, lean, with the same curious bright eyes and long, thick shiny hair that they've had since they were children.

The second family I left to work for the rugrats I work for now. Those were the days of Papoose and Roo, the reason this very blog exists. Papoose was a chubby, grinning, drooling eight month old when I started. I spent my whole day with him alone, because more often than not Roo was in school. Roo was (and is) an introspective but curious sort of girl, with long, willowy limbs and an unruly head of kinky dark brown hair. I left them by hopping on a plane too, it was my second air travel trip and I was headed to Minnesota. But we all knew that when I got back I wouldn't be their caregiver anymore and it was difficult to leave them. There were various reasons that I did... better pay, a closer proximity to work (therefore a shorter walk/bike/bus ride) health insurance... but what it ultimately came down to was not feeling a real "click" with Roo. She's a wonderful girl, I just don't think I'm built to handle a kid like that for a prolonged period. Now Papoose is six, Roo eleven. They have a new little sister who was born in Texas, so I don't have a fitting nickname for her being that we've never met. Despite the fact that I left them willingly for a new job, it was gut wrenching. Especially leaving Papoose, who I felt an incredibly strong bond with. But it had to be done and I wouldn't change it now.

This "new" family has been my lifeline through so much. Leaving these kids now is going to be the hardest. I've been with my oldest two, known simply to readers as "Boy" and "Girl" and my youngest two, the Moose and the Goose, for what seems like forever (but is in reality only four short years.) They have been the most challenging, and the most rewarding. The parents here have supported me through the two most difficult times in my life. They allowed me to take an entire summer off to travel Europe and come back with a guaranteed job. Hell, they put me up in their attic (which is more like an apartment) for a year. I've taken the kids to the Adirondacks cabin, I've attended family functions, I've been to all their plays, ballet performances and cello recitals. I've seen them through illness and frustration and tiredness and anger. I've seen them through it all. They're almost my own. And soon I'll be passing them off.

The families I worked/work for have been there for me more strongly throughout the years than I'd have ever expected. They're a support system I don't think I'd ever find at a desk job; a loving, trusting safety net that no corporate career would have afforded me. Sure, I'm poor as a church mouse, but... I have experience. I have friendships. I have love.

Moving Forward

2010-08-02T15:13:00.004-04:00

Here's as good a place as any to lay out the master plan... In 36 (frighteningly short) days, I will be uprooting myself and possibly transforming the entire outlook of my future. In 36 days I will be stepping on a plane bound for London, by way of Iceland (can't wait to touch down in Reykjavik!)and after that, a train to Leipzig, Germany. I'll be spending almost a whole year in Leipzig as an exchange student at the Universität Leipzig. After that... well, the plan is; student teach in Buffalo, graduate with an Art Education degree (minor in German) in December, and be off to Brooklyn by January. Once I get to Brooklyn however, I'm not entirely sure what I would do. Ostensibly, I would look for work as a teacher. However, I might try to find another accommodating nanny gig that would allow me to seek my Masters in Art Ed at CUNY Brooklyn College. Another option is getting certification in German and teaching that as well, but I have time to make that decision.
As with all plans, these are only tentative. I mean, it's the ideal right now but who knows what might happen in a year in Europe? Wish me luck, all! Or, as they say in Deutschland, "Daumen drucken!"

The end is nigh...

2010-07-20T07:50:00.008-04:00

Hours tick by like minutes... days slip away in heartbeats and eye-blinks. It's summer and time is elusive, stealthily flowing by, frustratingly out of reach, try as we might to slow it's passing. These warm mornings, punctuated by the calls of birds, one sips coffee on the back deck, body held still as if to freeze the moments, extend them, savour them and grasp them, selfishly trying to hold summer past it's allotted limit.

My time seems not my own because once again, I am moving on. If I count the number of days, I might cry again so it's better I don't. The summer will continue to trip away and we will all be propelled closer and closer to September without our consent. As the children grow excited (or wary) about their next year at school, I too will be hurtling towards a new reality.

September marks the end of my longest lasting, most fulfilling and indeed, most intimate job as a nanny. I have become more ingrained in the lives of this family than I could have imagined when this position began. After four years, my own life has seen many jarring losses, a three month sojourn to Europe, and the dissolution of a seven year relationship. The past year of my life has been spent as a live-in nanny, and I can't begin to express what a positive experience that has been. Despite many, many challenges, this family has done whatever it could to keep me with them and for that I am more grateful than they may ever know.

They gave me more than I imagined they would when I was bereaved, they encouraged me to continue my own education while still working for them, and they gave me a place to live when I was living out of a suitcase at my parents house 20 miles from work and school.

I have settled into their home now, the third floor has become a home to me. It didn't hurt that this place had already been my second home for over three years. But soon (I've given myself the start-date of August first) I will begin emptying the attic of it's remnants of me. I will turn it back into the family's spare bedroom, my own items will be sold or given away or carefully packed and stored for my return in July of next year.

I can't imagine my life without this job. I try to think about no longer being a nanny and it seems absurd. This line of work has been one of the most important things in my life for nearly 7 years now. They say do what you love. I've been lucky enough to live that adage for almost a decade. When I'm working, it doesn't feel like working- it just feels like living.

crookers

2010-04-16T11:21:00.002-04:00

just sitting in the study quad, doing blogstuff... deleted my tumblog because i use it so infrequently. i use this one just as infrequently but i am hanging on to it because of emotional attachment. also i might like to post here once in a while. although basically all i get here anymore is spam comments.

anyway, nanny-life (at least in it's current incarnation) seems to be winding down. i'll hopefully be moving to germany this upcoming fall and spending an academic year there. who knows whether i'll come back (it's not likely.)

when i look at my life, i just can't believe how unbelievably lucky i am. i get paid to live in a mansion, play with awesome kids for 3 hours a day, eat free food, drive a volvo around town and basically just chillax. school is basically just a fun diversion at this point... nothing seriously academic. 3 german courses 3 days a week seems like so much playtime. i haven't gotten anything below a 97% on any test. the other class i take is basically my dream- weaving, dying fabric, stenciling, screenprinting, etc.

being single is basically my favorite thing in the world. i don't have anyone to answer to but myself. i do what i want, when i want. i hang out with my friends like it's going out of style. i don't have to feel sad or self conscious because of someone else's opinion of me. i just get to BE. and i love it.

i'm on speaking terms with the EX. things are weird when we see each other in person... but lately i've been texting him randomly and the replies are friendly. i guess i miss him sometimes, but it's mainly when my mind isn't occupied with anything else. and even then it's easy to remind myself how miserable i was, he was... and how i would never want to be in a relationship that was so devoid of passion ever again.

i still talk to the scottish boy... we chitchatted for about 2 hours on facebook yesterday. i still don't know what strange power he had over me... i was completely infatuated with him this summer. now i look at him and i'm like... errr.... whaaaat???

of course, there are other boy issues now but i am trying to let all that take a backseat... there's definitely no one worth writing about. oh and i joined a softball team (beer league). so that's happening.

in case anyone was wondering, we did recover the missing kitty.

xoxox

missing kitty.

2009-12-30T13:31:00.002-05:00

the kitty got out on christmas day. i was gone already, spending the holiday with my (biological) family, so i wasn't here when she escaped. the family i work for have postered the neighborhood, alerted the SPCA and city animal shelter, and posted ads on craigslist. at the moment, both my boss and my facebook statuses involve pleading for information on her whereabouts.
it is such an absolute bummer that she hasn't turned up. it's not the first time she's escaped but she usually wanders back hours later or sometimes as late as the next day... but she always shows up. my contention is that someone took her in because it was cold and snowy.
well, i'm not giving up hope yet.
as far as everything else; well, there's far too much to even wrap my head around for one post. lets leave it at- i'm single. i'm happy (very happy.) and hopeful for the future.
cheers and happy new year to all my blogging friends!

for shel.

2009-11-09T21:13:00.003-05:00

oh blogging world, how i've neglected you.

not true, actually. i started a tumblr blog too but it's not nannyish.

wow, first off on the nanny front, let me just say that three out of my four have been infected with the swine. i am PRAYING i don't get it, especially now being that i am starting a fieldwork assignment where i'll be teaching five days in the next 3 weeks. i can't skip out on any of them but if i'm sick i'd be so wary of infecting any kids! what a conundrum.

outside of nannydom, this weekend was kind of interesting... from friday to sunday i stayed at my parent's house, keeping an eye on my brother. he's thirteen so he can pretty much take care of himself, but as my mom and step-dad were away at a wedding he just didn't want to be alone overnight in an empty house. plus he needed some help delivering his papers (my LEAST favorite thing about staying at my parents house.) from sunday night to this afternoon i was dog-sitting for a friend's massive beast; she let me use her car so i dragged "the ex" out to the mall with me then treated him to dinner last night. it's still weird calling him "the ex". we're easing into "friends" i think, but there may be the possibility of total reconciliation? not sure. we spent the evening watching tv and drinking beers, and it went pretty well. it was the first time since we started hanging out again that i didn't cry. and WHY am i the one crying? i was the breaker-upper, not the breaker-uppee. oh well, who knows. i guess it's just a girl thing.

now i'm back to my regular living arrangement- the third floor of the home in which i work. latest development? i bought myself an electric teakettle (which i did not know even existed until my time in london!) and a dvd player, because the cd/dvd drive on this here powerbook has taken a shit. so i can watch a netflixed dvd OR a show on cable on the big old TV in the workout room while drinking a cup of tea i boiled the water for in my bedroom! maybe i prefer to call it "my quarters", as it sounds more victorian and romantic... i should take to calling myself a governess. (though technically i am not, as a governess is responsible for the education as well as the overall care of her charges, and my kids go to public school.) but it would be cool to cast myself as a jane eyre type.

well, it's off for tea and a bath, then preparing myself for teaching a lesson to sixth graders for my art ed. field work, then BED. and fingers crossed that the H1N1 leaves me well enough alone!

new routines...

2009-09-23T22:33:00.004-04:00

it's been since the end of july that i posted.

now that i'm home (and have been since august 25) i can say with conviction that my life is completely different. and yet, at the same time, strangely unchanged.

i gave living with my family a try for about two weeks... commuting half an hour each morning to get to school and needing to keep their van well into the evening each day wasn't going to cut it once my brother started eighth grade and they would need the transportation just as much as i. i quickly decided that another living arrangement should be found. happily enough, i had a few to choose from, and i decided on the easiest, most pleasant and (definitely) cheapest- in short, i now can add "live-in" to my nanny description.

i've been staying on the third floor here at "work" for a few weeks now, and i have been thoroughly enjoying it. in addition to a very spacious and furnished room (embellished with all my various ephemera) i have sole access to a full bathroom, a workout room (you all know how often i use that, right?) and a tv with cable. i have a tiny fridge plugged in, and room for all my essentials- art supplies, sewing machine, shelves full of books. i couldn't ask for anything better. in fact, i think this is my favorite living situation thus far! well, aside from living in my friend's second story flat with the boy- i worked quite hard to make that place a home. but now the boy lives in a bedroom at another friend's house, and i live here.

because we're broken up. and have yet to see and speak with one another face to face. it's been over four months now. we talk occasionally through IM or text, but mostly we ignore? avoid? one another. it's best we rip off the band-aid, as our town is very small and we're bound to come across one another soon enough. in fact, he mentioned seeing me at the grocery store the other day but obviously that wasn't the best place for our first meeting in nearly half a year. but my schedule has been so full there hasn't been any time at all.

school takes up a great deal of my time and energy, which i love. i am so happy about being a student, and even happier that it is nearly over. i should (finally!) have my bachelors degree in may.

as for the scot, things are... well, very very muddy. the trip back to london in august didn't go quite as i'd have liked. no, that's an understatement. it was kind of a mess. but somehow i find still myself completely infatuated with him, even knowing how severe his issues are. we still email, talk on the phone... and i fully intend to buy a plane ticket to london this christmas break- he promised to take me to scotland and i want to hold him to his promise- i want to go to edinburgh for new year! but we'll see. he doesn't seem keen on the idea. oh well, he promised. plus, if it's really horrible, i can always go stay with the boy we crashed with the first time around- we've been keeping in touch as well.

being single has been really nice, so far. i do get lonely sometimes, and i certainly do find myself missing the boy. but i remind myself how toxic that relationship was in many ways and it's easier not to pine. it helps that there is someone who seems interested in me, someone i was interested in as well, even before i left. we've been spending a bit of time together, so far about an evening a week or so. i don't want it to develop into anything serious, as i've spend a third of my life in a relationship and truly need some "me time". but i don't want to stop hanging out with him, either. it's been really nice to rediscover my friends, to be able to concentrate whatever time i feel is necessary on school work, to play my guitar... all without feeling guilty that i am neglecting someone else's needs.

so lately my routine has been- school at daytime, watching my kids in the afternoon, going out and doing something with a friend, babysitting another family, or staying in and doing schoolwork at evenings, then having a snack of greek yogurt and settling in to watch peep show on youtube while falling asleep. it's certainly nothing incredibly exciting, but at the same time, it's quite comforting and nice.

30. juli 2009

2009-07-30T07:05:00.006-04:00

a sketch i started yesterday of a polaroid i took with my ex before i left. my ex. god it's so creepy to say that.

six.

2009-07-25T14:56:00.000-04:00

oh god. six days.
six days!
going out tonight.
tonight will fly by.
then five days.
then four.
three.
two.
one.
there.
there.
there in london.
there holding him.
him holding me.
soon.
so soon.
just waiting.
holding on.
oh man.
i can't wait.

recent sketches

2009-07-22T08:58:00.002-04:00

my london dress

2009-07-20T06:15:00.008-04:00

this is what i bought to wear when i get back to london, if we go on a date or something...

perfect. and only 9€ at H&M. plus, i just happened to have this cardigan which goes very nicely with it!

i'm so dissapointed not to have a pair of heels here...

i don't think i have ever loved a dress i owned this much.

days.

2009-07-20T04:01:00.005-04:00

twelve days and i am in london (again)

twenty days and i leave london, and him. maybe forever. maybe not.

thirty six days and this dream ends. back to reality.

it'd be an excercise in futility to attempt to recap EVERYTHING that has happened since last post.

needless to say, i am in europe. i've been to lots of cities here in germany. i've been to madrid. i've been to london.

i ended an unhappy, 7 years long relationship back home. via email.

i think i am possibly the most evil witch in the world.

it's not entirely true that it was ended by email. we sort of ambiguously ended it before i left, and allowed things to be... open.

and then i got on a plane from madrid to london and my whole life changed.

i met a scottish boy on the airplane.

we spent 4 out of my 6 nights in london together. he did things for me (like cooked me dinner) and said things to me (like that i was beautiful) that my boyfriend of seven years had rarely if ever done unless i specifically asked.

i don't know what's to come of it. like i said, i am going back in a little more than a week. maybe we'll fall in love. maybe we'll become fast friends. maybe we won't even like each other any more. whatever the case, when this fantasy comes to an end and i return to good old buffalo, new york, my life will be forever changed.

he was the catalyst for me to end a relationship that has been ending since it began.
for as much as i love my ex, and of course i still do, i *only* loved him... i wasn't IN LOVE with him. i know it is such a corny thing to say, but it is absolutely applicable in this situation. he treated me like i was his sister. there wasn't give and take, there was only give, and it was only from me. there wasn't effort on his part, only mine. any romance, any spontanaeity, it had to come from me. always.

and now... i spend four days and this boy has brought me wine and fruit in hyde park, has cooked me dinner in his flat and has taken me to an art gallery WEARING A DRESS SHIRT. yes, a shirt. that buttoned. and was tucked in. with nice shoes. ALL THIS IN FOUR DAYS!

anyway. like i said, it's all different now. when i get home, i won't be living with the person i have lived with for 4 years. won't be sleeping next to him.

i will be happy.

i hope.

the next time you say forever, i will punch you in your face.

2009-05-05T13:19:00.003-04:00

the above is a line from a neko case song off middle cyclone that makes me giggle every time i hear it. just a quick warning- this post is not going to be well written or even particularly interesting.

so, things are INSANE right now. work is great- but soon i'll be on a TWO AND A HALF MONTH vacation/sojourn to europe. i am SO PUMPED! i have a million things swimming in my head at any given second- things i need to do for school, for the impending move, for the trip... yes, i am finishing the semester, moving into a new house AND going to europe in the span of four weeks. CRAZY. add to that the extra babysitting hours i am taking wherever i can get, the impetus to get a WHOLE bunch of work done in the apartment we live in now before moving, the mini-camping/baseball tourney weekend i'm doing with my family next weekend, and i am so totally swamped it's unbelievable.
my relationship appears to be tearing apart at the seams. i am at a loss as to what to do about that, although i'm doing everything i can... doesn't seem to be improving.

i was having this conversation with a neighbor of my work-family, and she mentioned how she looks at her life as a chapter book- some chapters are boring, some sad, some happy, some are just CRAZY... well obviously i'm on the crazy chapter and unfortunately it's preventing me from literally WRITING that chapter down!

transitions.

2009-04-03T10:08:00.004-04:00

i've been here for 26 years now. i've lost my nephew and my sister and i've found god. bu despite how much i look, i still haven't found myself.
this year is going to be full of new, different, exciting and frightening things. i am going into my senior year of college (albeit 4 years too late) in the fall. i'll be flying to europe in early june and spending the summer there, half in germany, half in france. my boyfriend of 8 years is moving to brooklyn (assuming he finds a job there) and i'll spend the entire summer away from him and not have him to come home to when i get back. i'm moving out of a friend's apartment and into another friend's house.
with all this change, i hope to become something more than i am.
what i am is; a silly, selfish, self-absorbed, vain girl with little to say and not much experience with anything, trying to become an art teacher but having limited skills in that area and hoping upon hope to land a job despite that caveat.
i can only speculate as to what this next year and a half has in store. i feel like every waking day is only another stepping stone to getting on that plane and flying across the atlantic.
but there is always the notion that, despite my searching, there is nothing to find. perhaps i am already complete.

really ought to be studying...

2009-01-22T21:59:00.006-05:00

tomorrow is the last day of the winter session- a semester that lasts literally all of 14 days. i have a geology final so i need to commence studying. i just thought i should pop on and say, in a twist of fate, i am back with my lil' papoose! dr. mom is working sundays now and professor dad has become financial-guy dad, and has moved to texas to begin working at his new job. dr. mom can't leave buffalo until her residency is over, so they have asked me to sit for papoose and roo on sundays until may! it's so bizarre for them to be back in my life- bizarre but wonderful. prof. dad called me a few weeks ago to ask, and i said "i don't even have to think about it, yes yes yes!" as much as i love the family i work for now, i still have pangs of regret over leaving my little guy. it's so odd to think that i used to spend as much as 9 hours a day with him, rocking, feeding, burping, changing and cooing, and now he's back in my life as a big boy! it's weird to have missed so much of his growing. roo is very much the same, quiet, contemplative. dr. mom brought them over my apartment tonight, and it blew my mind to see papoose running around, talking, teasing his sister... he's still as gorgeous as ever, but so tall and thin! just like his mom, dad and sister! he used to be such a chub monster.

well, on to stalactites, stalagmites, buttes, glacial scarring, sediment, erosion, magma and the like.

back in the blo.

2009-01-20T20:17:00.003-05:00

whirlwind weekend of brooklyn and manhattan- fun fun fun. back home now, missing the borough and our favorite married couple. got my uniqlo jeans (the shop in soho is the only one in the entire US) and scored some "aubergine" hunter wellingtons. so happy. finally checked out MoMA (am literally embarrassed not to have been there until my 26th year on earth.) AMAZING. beyond amazing. also checked out PS1, the MoMA outpost in queens. also amazing. met up with a high school friend i didn't even realize lived in the area. good stuff.

today was inauguration day- pretty spectacular. am still waiting to eat the chili i prepped downstairs in jim's (our friend/landlord) apartment. soooo hungry. friends are coming over and we'll all eat and watch the speech on the HD.

so i think i have to have these.

modern art

2009-01-09T22:46:00.005-05:00

took the girls to the albright knox gallery tonight (they have a free friday night doo-daa every week) while big bro was shredding "rock band" at a friend's.
gooselette described this painting as...

macaroni and cheese.

ringing in the new.

2008-12-31T09:16:00.002-05:00

hope everyone had a wonderful, wistful, whimsical christmas...
today is new years eve and i just figured i'd pop by and post my resolutions. which i am always resolute about not making, but i somehow always end up with a list.
here goes.

2009

be a better christian
be thankful for everything, everyday
be a better steward of the earth
bring my own cup/utensils
be conscious of the waste i create
manage money better (give more to charity)
read the classics
learn to spell better
always do my best
take better care of the body i was given
more yoga
less coffee

enjoy the night! happy new year!

2008-11-28T22:54:00.002-05:00

hope you had a happy thanksgiving, y'alls! i know my family sure did. the bro and i got the tree up today! yay!

so much...

2008-10-02T16:14:00.003-04:00

school is going so well. i am absolutely loving it. life is great.
just wanted to say.

oh it is my favorite...

2008-09-26T13:28:00.002-04:00

new favorite thing in life.

eatpes.com

a toast.

2008-09-16T23:05:00.007-04:00

1.5 glasses in to the merlot so generously donated me by teresa, and i'm feeling toasty.
toasty enough to post photos of some recent sketches of mine i am moderately enjoying. plus school is rocking my absolute socks off. two A's in one day!

dynamism of Lola off her leash... tribute to Giacomo Balla

the beast.

Lolita's derriere.

dana at the lawn fete.

cone.

two albums you will love if you are... anyone.

fleet foxes

yeasayer

like, woah.

2008-08-27T22:19:00.004-04:00

so i'm posting, and the only reason is because i'm working late (it's 10:19 pm) the kids are in dreamland, and i don't have any school books here at work to distract me.
yes, i started school! or, re-started. kick-started? anyway, i'm just a big old ball of PSYCHED. it's the first week. i am organized to a TEE. (should wiki what that phrase means...) my professors are sweet. my classes are perfect, wonderful, awesome, great.
and i am realizing... i am not a dumb idiot! i think nearly 5 years of being out of the loop, out of the "real world", interacting practically exclusively with people under the age of 12 for almost 10 hours a day, 5 (+) days a week, just really wore my brain muscles out. no discussions of educational theory, no paper writing, no truly serious reading... for as much as i tried to keep my brain working, i was expending most of my energy on "no... no... NO!" and "is gooselette naked again?" rather than expanding my mental capacity.
so i find myself thinking... the gears are turning... the rust is gradually falling away... the cobwebs are being dusted... any more horrible metaphors i've left out? MY BRAIN IS WORKING AGAIN! most excitingly, i'm getting inspired to again create ART! and that is SCARY! but we'll see.

the new place

2008-08-21T16:14:00.009-04:00

the new pad- there are areas i've decided to ignore, as they show way too much of what my apartment REALLY looks like- random piles of boxes filled with junk, walls covered in primer with their (fugly) original colors showing through, etc. etc. etc.

entering the apartment, the first room is the living room... note the coffee table, which is actually our two side tables pushed together-

gorgeous (non-working) fireplace-

on the mantle- three frames i scored free at a friends post-garage sale liquidation, showing illustrations i cut from a wonky mushroom book i garage sale'd for $0.25. the mirror and candle holders were from a church rummage sale, i spray painted them gloss white. the candles were handmade in a ski town called ellicotville, ny.

a view from the front windows- big open space!

from the living room we head into the dining room. you can spot the polariod prints framed above the garbage picked 50's bureau-

the dining room table i grew up with, covered with placemats i made from random toille i had hanging around, and the leftovers of chair fabric (re-upholstered the chairs myself, which i bought from am-vets for $17, for all three!) the awesome owl sugar bowl and baby owl salt and pepper shakers are a thrift find of my guy, jason...

a close up on the place setting (plate and mug; another thrift score of jay's) and reupholstered chair (echino fabric from sandy @ elmwood village fabrics)-

off the dining room is (appropriately) the kitchen-

another view... the under-sink cabinet door is permanently stuck open (well, until i fix it)-

heading into the back end of the apartment, we come upon the bathroom. can't show you the tub, which is undergoing (painfully slow) repairs-

the bedroom! bedroom set from jay's mom. prints by hero design. bedding by target, like 5 years ago when they had the todd oldham back to school line. carebear from my grandpa when i was 2. you can see also we are 'mac people' around here, if you look on top of the headboard. oh, and the mid-century modern chair with the orange seat cover- $5 at st. vincent depauls.

jay's dresser- about 1/100th of the camera's he owns can be seen on there. the frame holds a map of brooklyn i modpodged in there before we moved- i decided i wouldn't take the frame with us (a garbage pick which housed an ariel photograph of an ugly farm in the 1970's) unless i did something cool with it first. try to spot the kitty!

my dresser. lots of vintage tchotckes (sp??) and ikea hampers.

the piece d' resistance- my studio/study! (where i am sitting RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE!

and there you have it! a tour of our home! hope you like. might i add, all the rooms shown (except the kitchen and bath) were painted by MOI? i had awesome help on the living room from my buds dana and jim. the paints are all freshaire by the home depot, zero VOC paint. the colors- terrarium (living room), distant shore (dining room) and dew pointe (bedroom and studio)

the internet sucks

2008-08-18T22:15:00.000-04:00

facebook sucks.
other websites are sucking.
i think it's the internet, not the websites themselves. not my connection either. just... the internet.
sucks.

summertime.

2008-08-16T08:30:00.004-04:00

once again the summer is drawing far too rapidly to a close. i spent my last week of "summer vacation" with my kids, and we had lots of fun. but i can't believe it's over! they will be at camp for a week, then i'll start school and by the time i get back to work, they'll be back in school! and fall will roll in ever so quickly.

happy friday!

2008-08-15T08:22:00.003-04:00

today marks my last day of work as i know it. i will be here on more of a housekeeping basis starting in a week- thankfully i have an entire week off to recharge before school begins, and i'll have that first week of school off from work as well. then my kids start school, and i will be here to pick them up at the bus stop and spend the afternoon with them.
i'm excited and nervous and scared and well, kinda proud of myself!
i think we're going to spend today at the beach after we repair boy's glasses (which were stepped on at the pool yesterday) and drop a package off for mom.

ok, happy friday y'all, have a great weekend!

the subconscious and the physical.

2008-08-13T08:28:00.006-04:00

i've been having anxiety dreams about school the past two nights. yesterday's was something about not finding my class, or not knowing what class it was or where to look for it... of course, i was inside a high school which could have been a major cause of the confusion. this morning i dreamt of getting ready for school and being about to go there when i realized school didn't start for another week. there were also some weird things about pig suits and citrus fruits in this dream, but we'll just ignore that for now.
this morning i arrived at work on my bike, as i have for 2 weeks now since we moved to our new apartment, but my legs absolutely felt like jelly. which hasn't happened before. then, as i was preparing coffee, this weird, subtle wave of nausea passed over me.
the school thing is really messing with my head. and, apparently my body.

triumphs and trials: of less plastic, less consumption, and a lighter "carbon footprint"...

2008-08-04T08:42:00.004-04:00

triumph- shopping at our local farmers market got me blueberries in a recycled cardboard container, plastic-free local produce, and locally made yogurt in glass containers with metal lids (at $2.25 a pop they were certainly not cheap, but i feel better knowing they boost local economy, made a short trip, and that their containers can be easily recycled, unlike plastic yogurt containers in my area.) also i brought my own canvas bag to carry it all in.

trial- of course, all this would have felt so much more green had i not DRIVEN to the farmers market. it is close enough to walk/bike to, but i had other stops to make, and i can't (amidst stacks of boxes) find my spare bike-lock key. huge bummer.

triumph- easily convinced my likewise eco-conscious landlord/friend to purchase
freshaire brand paint at home depot. this paint is zero VOC, packaged in recycled plastic tubs, labels printed with soy ink, blah-dee-blah. (quick advertisement) it went on the walls beautifully, the colors are gorgeous, and while i did find there was a slight odor, it was NOTHING compared with a typical freshly painted room.

trial- home depot is the wal*mart of hardware stores, and in supporting them i supported a big box chain store which i very much try to avoid.

triumph- bought beer and soda for our block party in glass bottles, packaged in recyclable cardboard carriers.

trial- was unable at said block party to resist a.) mousse-shots in tiny individual plastic tubs with their own tiny plastic lids, and b.) ice cream in some sort of styrofoam bowl.

triumph- managed to resist buying a coffee sunday morning at starbucks in a non-recyclable paper cup with plastic lid. considered buying one of their travel mugs but decided that was against my "buy less" policy and stupid as well because i have 3 travel mugs at home and just happened not to bring one of them. bought one of their canned coffee/energy bevvies instead, so i could recycle the can.

trial- see above mention of home depot being the wal*mart of hardware stores? guess what starbucks is the equivalent to of coffee shops???

triumph- went to clarence antique mall for the worlds largest garage sale. bought a few things (all USED!) and carried them in my own bag; that is until one seller INSISTED on wrapping my scandinavian designed kitchy 50's casserole dish in 2 layers of paper and a PLASTIC BAG to ensure that the paper wouldn't unfold. arrrgh!

trial- driving not one but 2 vehicles the 20 mile distance from our city to the suburbs to shop at said antique mall.

triumph- bringing a glass bottled soda to the (local!) coffee shop for dinner with friends last night instead of buying a bevvie in one of their disposable cups. oh, and they had actual silverware instead of disposable serving ware.

trial- the salsa and sour cream that came with my quesadilla's (which were incredible by the way) was packaged in those damnable tiny individual serving plastic tubs! again, arrgh!

well, i (hope i) never said i was perfect! but i'm trying really hard to cut down on waste. thanks for reading!

a new obsession...

2008-08-01T12:57:00.004-04:00

BBC correspondent chris jeavans is going to attempt a month without plastic beginning... well, today actually. i'm going to try to follow her blog and walk in her footsteps to my best ability. it's not easy, i know, because i've tried.

as for the plastics i've already accumulated up to today, i will recycle and reuse what i can. my city recycles all small mouth plastic bottles and any plastics with screw on caps (a.k.a jars of peanut butter, laundry detergent bottles, etc.) but nothing like coffee cup lids, clamshell take out cases, (obviously) saran wrap or what have you. i can bring plastic bags back to the grocery store for recycling.

i feel like if it's plastic that is recyclable in my city, it's ok to purchase. i mean, i guess this is technically cheating, but it's not going into a landfill or being incinerated or tossed into the ocean either.

unfortunately i may have to exempt myself for hardware store purchases because this month will be a lot of home repair. stuff like caulk? not available in any kind of container other than plastic.

shopping for my own home, i will mostly be able to easily avoid plastic packaging, but groceries for the family i work for usually involve quite a bit of it. we do use the canvas shopping bags though.

well, here goes.

updations...

2008-08-01T08:42:00.004-04:00

this week is coming to a close... classes are looming large... summer is winding down. i feel- peaceful.

the boy comes home today from his week-long stint as gardener at his grandparents place. things have been slightly quieter in his absence but i miss having him to laugh with.
goose is starting to scare me. she's going into little-monster mode, same way moose did when she turned four. but goose is my little sunshine! she'd never turn on me! right? 'fraid not. she goes berserk, scratching, kicking, slapping and biting, over absolutely the most benign little thing. i get frustrated by this way too easily, taking it personally even though i know it's got little to do with me or the situation at hand, and more to do with the powerlessness and lack of self-control she feels. even though i know that, rationally, i still get worked up over it, especially when she says she doesn't like me, or that she wishes our moosey were dead, or that the boy would never come back from his grandparents house.
my girl is stuck on this ebay hunt for a pink nintendo DS. it's like her holy grail. although i have a strong feeling that once it's procured it will be tossed aside within days. (much like boy's ipod, which gets minimal use.)
mooselette is mooselette. sensitive, stubborn, sweet and mischievous.

there's still so much work to do on our apartment. i actually got the dining room and hallway all primed, save a few touch ups in the hall and the ceiling in the dining room. i'm psyched to slap some paint on there so i can start unpacking. the kitchen and bathroom seem to be the only rooms all in place, although there are still lots of groceries at the old apartment that need to make their way over. the bedroom is in a state of normalcy, but my boy hasn't brought a third of his boxes 'o' junk over from the old place yet to clutter it up. all the other rooms are jumbled boxes, furniture squished to the middle, weird random garbage strewn about. ARGH! it makes me a little crazy. but i feel like once it's all done i'll have really pared down to what's essential (a very relative term!) and be ready to host. i want to have a brunch on my porch!

ta ta for now, have to flip the boob tube off for the kids, otherwise it'd be day long marathons of sponge bob.

current obsession

2008-07-31T08:39:00.006-04:00

shel from the blog life of shoe recently posted her 'current obsessions' and it just clicked in my brain what mine is. my major one anyway.

anti consumer-culture. now, admittedly i am a major hypocrite for the fact that i just tossed $200+ bucks at amazon.com for a new canon camera, and that i kind of obsess about project runway ("now, designers, please borrow generously from the BLUEFLY accessory wall"...) but other than that...

i'm reading a book called not buying it by judith levine. (borrowed from the library, of course.) i just bought an adbusters (a purchase, yes, but there are literally NO ads in the magazine, just commentary and critique) and i'm reading some fascinating articles.

i'm trying to do most of my non-essential shopping secondhand, and i do most of my food/commodities shopping at our community co-op if i can help it. i'm trying to cut down on that non-essential shopping, too. i just got a big taste of how overblown my appetite for STUFF is when we moved. i wanted to just give everything away and start again. or rather, not start. just BE. of course, this is unrealistic at best. but still i wish it was so.

of course, that "don't buy" mentality didn't stop me from scouring am-vets with my girls on tuesday for dining room chairs for the new place (found 'em, danish modern style) or covering them with echino fabric purchased from my darling sandy at elmwood village fabrics. justifications: the chairs were used, and the fabric purchased from a local retailer.

i try to be mindful of what i buy; not only what the product itself is, but what the company who makes it's ethos is, what the packaging is like (if it's recyclable), what it's (really) for, it's "lifespan" and how it will ultimately be disposed of.

it's really hard for me in my job to watch my kid's minds crammed with ad-copy. my kids sing jingles for products the use of which they have no idea of- credit reports? they are saturated with messages of "new, new, new", like my girl who is trying to aquire a nintendo DS when she already has a nintendo gameboy she NEVER plays with. or my boy who wants new in-line skates when he owns a perfectly useful pair that are just not "cool enough".

please don't think i've never been, or am not now, taken in by these messages myself. generally when faced with the computer screen after i have read all my friend's blogs, i turn to... you guessed it... online shopping. amazon, ebay, anthropologie, urban outfitters, american apparel, zappos. i have to tear myself away from the screen when i suddenly realize how futile what i'm doing is. ogling stuff i can't afford, and wouldn't be in style for more than a year anyway. desiring to consume to fulfill my sense of self worth.

i'm over it.

more on the move...

2008-07-29T08:39:00.003-04:00

well, the kitchen is all unpacked, assuming another "kitchen" box doesn't materialize from some random corner of the new or old apartment, though odds are high one will. the cat has food, and a fresh box of litter. the bedroom is in decent shape, i didn't wake up panic-stricken wondering where EVERYTHING was this morning as i did yesterday. the shower is that much closer to usable, now that i spent 2 hours scraping old caulk from it and will put in the water-sealing strip when i leave work today. have to get the gas turned on so i can use something other than luke-warm water to wash dishes. got change of address forms filled out yesterday. things are shaping up.
i'm thinking of making this craft with the girls today. apparently you have to have a certain kind of glue, but since we're going to the grocery store today i might be able to procure it.
wait now that i think about it, we don't have acrylic paints here nor fabric to paint on. so, i guess scratch that for now.
it's a "girls week" here at work, with the boy employed by his grandparents to work toward a new pair of rollerblades. things are going a little more smoothly, but only a little. the gooselette is in high-temper mode, lashing out over some very very minor annoyances. which makes for one major annoyance for the rest of us. i'm sure moosey-girl has something to do with this, getting her riled up.
well i am off to watch the girls watch "nanny mcphee", the eldest's library DVD pick.

the move

2008-07-28T08:23:00.003-04:00

i. am. sore.
wow. three straight days of packing, cleaning, purging, lifting, heaving, carrying, packing more, lifting more, heaving more, cleaning more... and it's STILL NOT OVER.
thankfully we had amazing helpers (my mom, brother, and stepdad, jay's uncle, and our new "landlord"- our friend jim) and our sweet neighbors (who haven't lived in our building for more than 6 months...) threw us a little going-away shindig. it was somewhat ironic; we got to know our housemates more in the 2 hours we hung with them yesterday than in all three years we lived in that building! it's such a bittersweet thing, moving out of "the four-four-three" (as we refer to our place...) we love it so much. if i could have helped it, i would've stayed. but we needed another room-mate and we just couldn't deliver. so "the eight-three" it is. it's further from work (a bike makes quick work of it) but closer to school. so it's a bit of a trade-off.
what i have to look forward to: priming and painting 7 rooms! yay!
my head is a huge jumble, my stuff is all over the place, my cat has no food (i gave her some cheddar cheese last night) and hardly any cat litter. i'm afraid she might pee in the new place, she's been peeing in weird places on occasion- plastic bags, jason's tee-shirts. god i hope not.
well, i'll be getting my new camera this week! wednesday, actually. i bought this little love:

meanwhile, i'll be taking my girls to the thrift store today (they love it!) so i can look for some dining room chairs.

furthering the cloud theme....

2008-07-24T21:09:00.004-04:00

wow. i just had such an amazing half hour. the picture above doesn't do the scene justice. it was the most unbelievable sky i have ever seen.
i'm working late- mom's flight comes in tonite at eleven pm, and dad's flight went out today at 1. so i've been in it for the long haul this rainy thursday.
i got all the kids into bed (with only one relatively minor tantrum from goose to speak of!) and headed downstairs myself. the bathroom i was about to use is adjacent to the front door, which was open and the screen closed. i happened to glance out the screen door and saw, absolutely, the most lovely scene in the sky i've ever witnessed. it started out the way it looks above, but the pinkish clouds were far more vibrant and... pink... the change was so subtle but as the moments passed, the furthest clouds became a deep, shell pink, while the ones hanging serenely in front of them were the fluffiest white. and they were all completely still. it looked like a painting.
it wasn't long before the girl joined me, and after a few brief moments of appreciation, began to whine about pink freezy pops. so she was excused.
then, a teeny bit later, the goose padded downstairs, requesting cups of water for herself and moose. i scooped her up in my arms and treated her to the view.
she was almost as awestruck as i was! or maybe more. it was amazing to see how much love she had for that "gift from god" that was our sky this evening. i was so touched to see her moved by it.
even better, lightning bolts began to crackle from "our" clouds! it was the most spectacular light show i've ever seen. the sky was dark enough for the bolts to be totally visible, yet light enough for the clouds, in their motionless beauty, to frame them perfectly.
if there were any clouds i'd want to touch, those were the ones.

goosey says...

2008-07-18T09:48:00.001-04:00

"gnarly, what i really wanna do... is touch clouds."

it's friday!

2008-07-11T09:36:00.002-04:00

wow, the summer is flying by. it's crazy. the kids have been in summer programs since school let out, which is nice because it's just been a continuation of the time gooselette and i share together, sans big kids. we have one more week of one-on-one, then all the day camps are over and the kids are home. lots of plans are brewing- beach days, heading out to rushford lake, boating on the lake at delaware park, picnics, playgrounds, pools... there is no shortage of activity. we will probably even pile into the van for a couple of blissful days at the family cabin in the adirondack mountains.
in other news, my man and i are moving. we are not too psyched on the proposition, but since our roommate left us high and dry (ugh!) we can't afford our 2.5 bedroom place. our friend is generous enough to offer us the upper apartment at the spot he owns which is closer to my school, but further from work. that's ok, it will all work out for the best.

moosey says...

2008-07-03T13:50:00.002-04:00

my eyes are the color of mushrooms.

you decide.

to the manor... hired?

2008-06-19T13:54:00.003-04:00

sometimes (especially on grey, chilly days like today) i fancy myself a british nursemaid in a sprawling manor in the midst of the english countryside. and on days such as these, nothing can beat (for me, anyhow) whipping up delightfully continental dishes.
yesterday it was lemon curd from this joy of baking recipe.
and today? bread pudding.
simply divine.

just like 2001 all over again...

2008-06-18T07:48:00.004-04:00

i'm enrolled in college! i'm enrolled! I'M ENROLLED!!!! oh finally, finally! i am so beyond excited...
i'm back in the art education program at buffalo state, picking up right where i left off. i'll be taking 6 classes this fall and somehow, miraculously, i managed a schedule which allows me to be here at work before the kids get off the afternoon school bus, and back at school on tuesdays and thursdays right after my shift ends at 5:30. i can even be here mornings on occasion when mom and dad both have to go in early! i'll be able to see my pre-k goosey get on the school bus for the very first time! oh it's perfect, perfect, perfect. all according to the best laid plans, not a snag visible from this far away. (well, except i will be starting school a few days prior to the kids which will mean i'd need coverage for a few hours a day.)
i saw my department chair (she's amazing) on monday, and it turns out i am further behind than i thought- i only have 63 credit hours and i need 120 to graduate. too bad i was such a lazy ass when i was there the first go-round, dropping classes willy nilly so i could sleep in. but my GPA is a 3.27, not genius-level but not too terribly shabby either.
i am mostly taking general ed. requirements this semester; american history, psychology, environmental biology (what the course catalog says about env. bio:
Biological aspects of global environmental problems. Principles of ecology. eeee!!! awesome!!!) and 3 dimensional design. i'm also taking 2 major-related courses; exceptional education and AED 301. here's what the school's website has to say about AED 301.

THEORETICAL CONSTRUCTS IN ART EDUCATION
3, 4/0
Prerequisites: Art education major, AED 300W, or department chair permission, and one course in psychology. Specific information and theories relevant to the teaching of art. Teaching models based on art education
theories formulated to accommodate the student's preprofessional interests and needs in the context of observed and theoretically stimulated teaching situations. Required for art education majors.

hmm. sounds interesting.
i have filled out all my financial aid worksheets online, and have come to find out my "expected family contribution" (a.k.a. MY contribution) will basically be the entire cost of the semester. my new york state TAP grant is only $500. the school will inform me later what my PELL grant might be. and the rest? hello debt-load. i'm actually going to be responsible and adultish about all this stuff this time around, and make payments to the school, forgoing the need for payments with much, much interest in the long run. did i ever tell you about my student loans? once, i looked back at paperwork from the year i got the loans (2003?) and compared it with that year (2007) and after about 3 years of steady payments above the minimum... i had paid only $80 off on the principal balance. UNREAL!
oh well. such is the american higher education system. luckily i'm not going to harvard or yale. (not that i'd be smart enough to get in.)

my muxtape

2008-06-14T12:43:00.005-04:00

xallxsewnxupx's muxtape

prickly...

2008-06-05T23:31:00.002-04:00

two minor things... that got under my skin tonite.
first- went to see "harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay" tonite (groan... i know, i know.) and as my boy and i walked down the hallway, a woman in front of us dragged her toddler by his wrist, and everytime he made a peep, she told him to "shut up" and yanked his arm a little bit. now, keep in mind that not only were there no kids movies down that hallway, but it was also quarter to 8 in the pm and correct me if i'm wrong but shouldn't wee young ones who look to be under the age of 2 not be dragged around to the movies to be kept awake by most likely innappropriate images until way past a normal toddler bedtime??? broke my heart.
two- this new weezer album. i hope to god they're kidding me. sadly, i can't see even a trace of ironic, smug cheekiness. nope, it's balls-out frat-boy douchiness all around. yes the hooks are good, the music is tight as hell but jeez, rivers, you went to harvard for how many years to write lyrics like
"Somebody said all the world's a stage and each of us is a player.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
In act one, I was struggling to survive. Nobody wanted my action dead or alive.
In act two, I hit the big time and bodies be all up on my behind.
And I can't help myself cuz I was born to shine.
If you don't like it, you can shove it. But you don't like it, you love it.
So I'll be up here in a rage until they put the curtain down on the stage."

seriously? or not seriously? are the lyrics just so intentionally bad as to be blowing my mind?
come on. sometimes i think i want to start up a website called "whycouldntweezerhavebrokenupafterthebluealbum.com".

back

2008-06-02T08:20:00.004-04:00

the whirlwind weekend was great- very much the opposite of a "restful" vacation, but what can you do? took the train in on thursday, which was a great experience. cabbed it from madison sq. garden to brooklyn, and pretty much zonked out after chatting with our buddy/host, chad.
friday was spent canvassing manhattan- we walked pretty much the length of the island. checked out a bit of central park, then on to the natural history museum. insanely cool. headed back downtown, got jeans at uniqlo and took the train back to brooklyn. lots of good eats. checked out enids in williamsburg but our friend pat wasn't bartending and my feet felt like they were about to fall off, so we bussed back to chads greenpoint spot.
next day was brooklyn day, we walked around in williamsburg where i picked up the obligatory american apparel tees, and then cabbed over to the brooklyn bridge, which i have never walked on before. apparently it's 125 years old this year. after that it was time to head back to greenpoint, and we got there long after chads invitation to dinner due to roundabout train/bus issues. hung out with some transplanted buffalo cats at galapagos. langhorne slim

played at the williamsburg music hall, i drank too much. we went to enids, pat was tending bar, i drank too much. but it was fun!
sunday we hung in williamsburg again, got brunch at (guess where?!) enids... fried cheese grits? yes please! sat on a bench in mccarren park, soaking up sun and people watching. subway to amtrak station at madison sq garden in manhattan, on the train by quarter to four, wistfully staring at the hudson river valley from the opposite side of the aisle (we picked the wrong seats!) didn't sleep much but neither did i get very far in the copy of joyce's ulysses i picked up from a street vendor on bedford.

overall impressions-

i love brooklyn. even though the apparent attitude of the hipsters scares me a bit and makes me feel like it will be hard to make friends, i am willing to try.

bras are optional in williamsburg.

taking the train rocks.

the end!

whoosh

2008-05-28T07:56:00.002-04:00

so we bought our train tickets last night- as of 1:45 pm tomorrow we'll be rolling along the tracks on our way to penn station, ny ny. yes, that means i will have worked a 2 day week, and that i will have screwed with more peoples plans and schedules than i care to think. but as the opportunity has presented itself, i feel i must act.
in other news, on memorial day jason's front passenger side tire acquired a lovely slow leak, morphing into an almost completely flat tire while we visited his grandma's house (25 min. drive from our own.) thank goodness for fix-a-flat. then late that night, we got a call from his mama, saying she was on her way to our house after a fight with her hub. so we have a mother-in-law on the air mattress in our living room. and we're outta here.

ding-dong.

2008-05-23T18:08:00.003-04:00

add this to the list of stupid, idiotic things i've done in my tenure with this family...

memorial day picnic at del. park, in gorgeous weather with mom-friends: good! lots of kids, lots of food, lots of fun.

walking to the art gallery with the kids after the picnic is over: good!

getting back to the van to realize the still-hot-tiny-charcoal-grill has burned a hole into the carpet in the trunk: bad.

morning random.

2008-05-23T07:17:00.002-04:00

- i drink far too much coffee, every day (except weekends because i feel better rested.)

- i brush my teeth with natural toothpaste and a recycled plastic toothbrush.

- my bosses always foot the bill for my breakfast (cereal and toast, anyone?)

- the alarm on my phone is set for 3 different times, 10 minutes apart, so i can choose when i wake up. does it shock you that i always wake up at the last alarm???

- dreams are insane. last night i dreamed my neighbors somehow died due to their fatal internet connection. then there was something about a horse, and grandparents who weren't actually mine?

- i change my sheets infrequently.

- i'd rather not get up as early as i do.

- i have a 10 minute walk to work, and though i'm grumbly when i get up, as soon as i'm outside, i start to realize how lucky i am to be alive and well. generally i try to remember to say a little prayer of thanks as i walk.

and that's your morning random, thanks for reading!

some things...

2008-05-22T08:11:00.004-04:00

wow, our fencing instructor really kicked our asses last night. it was GREAT! the only thing about fencing is that you're only doing certain moves with one side of your body, so for example my left thigh is killing because of all the lunges. i'll have to try to even it out next time. my (skateboarder) boyfriend suggested i start learning to fence "switch" (meaning putting your weaker side forward, as they do in skateboarding to show off how freaking great they are at a particular trick; they can even do it backward, as it were.) this, i don't think would fly at fencing lesson. anyhow, it was the 3rd wednesday in a row that it's been cold and raining. i rode my bike here to work and then h and i piled into the van and drove to the church the lessons are held at. after lesson i dropped her friends, herself, and the van off, and i was faced with pedaling home in the rain. thank goodness i was wearing a 2 sweatshirts and a denim jacket over my tee shirt, plus a scarf and knitted headband/ear cover-er thingie. i swear it was only like 30 degrees outside. IN MAY! ugh.

in other news, the new york trip is postponed. most of our friends are going to be out of the city and we didn't get our train tickets in time anyway. i will have to let my friend julie know we won't be coming to stay with her on long island. the boy is trying to plan the trip for next weekend, which is so much harder for me... it just made sense to go when i naturally have a long weekend, rather than having to take time off right after! but i'll see if any of my buds will cover me at work next week for thursday and friday, and then we can plan further.

well, i hope it's warm and sunny where you are, and i hope you get out and enjoy it!

oh yeah....

2008-05-21T10:43:00.007-04:00

i said i'd try to post a picture of the quilt i made goosey for her fourth birthday- i took a bunch of photos with my phone, so they are not the best quality. but here they are, nonetheless!

goosey picked all these fabrics herself! i don't think she suspected my motives. she was pretty excited about the end result! also, you have to know i am not a quilter. i am a novice at best at all things craft, though i do so love to do all of them.

here's a close-up of an elephant- i had a bit of the safari fabric left over, so i cut out characters and sewed them on other squares and stuffed them, so they kinda pop out.

this is a bit of embroidery on a piece of skirt goose's mamma gave me to incorporate into the quilt. it's her initials, actually. there are 3 other embroidered pieces, 2 small images on a pair of bloomers, and one big one that says the day, date and year of her birth on the same white eyelet. the patterns come from sublime stitching.

aaand... here's the whole dang thing!

considerations...

2008-05-21T08:06:00.003-04:00

this upcoming weekend is memorial day weekend, and i have a guaranteed half day friday and day off monday, along with money in the bank (even after i paid off ALL my credit card debt!) naturally the inclination was towards a train trip to brooklyn. unfortunately, things are not falling into place very easily. all our "bros" are heading out of the BK to their own hometowns. we have an offer to stay on long island with a lovely friend of mine, but to be honest, i've only met her in person once. other than that we are more like myspace/texting friends. so it's a little awkward, on top of the fact that she lives with her parents.
what to do? hopefully jay finds someone we can stay with in williamsburg or greenpoint (or whatever.) but if not... a perfectly good brooklyn-visiting-long-weekend goes to waste.
oh well. we shall see!

re-use

2008-05-12T11:34:00.007-04:00

for all you pola-freaks out there, i just had a wee brain fart that lead to this-

i love using the cartridge as a frame for polaroids (you can't throw them away!) but hadn't yet come up with a suitable way of displaying them. then i thought of this little gem. just take your favorite photo from that particular pack of film, slide it into the cartridge, stick one of those annoying advertising magnets on the back with superglue, and slap it on the fridge. et viola- an artful display for a fabulous photo!

my body hurts....

2008-05-09T07:51:00.005-04:00

but lucky for me, i received some pleasant news last night.

well, let me back the truck up, and just say that wednesday's fencing class really knocked the stuffing out of me. i think what happened was that i over-stretched before class began.
i'm not sure if it was the trapezius or the levator scapulae that i really messed up, but after i did a forward bend with my arms raised above my head, i felt like someone had shoved knives into either side of my neck.

anyhow, the good (?) news is that i will be having a massage! my step-dad is re-gifting a massage certificate i got him (got one for my mom too, their birthday's are right around the same time) back to me. so i get to be rubbed! i feel bad though, about the re-gifting aspect... but i know he means well.

much mother's day to-do for both myself and my goose today; we have cards to scribble on, photo's to send to get printed (in my case) and tissue paper flowers to scrunch, etc. etc.

i'll be doing the mom's day thing tomorrow, instead of sunday. mom and i will be working for habitat for humanity in my community starting at 9 am, then getting our massages after (if they're not booked, gotta call there today!) then back to her house for a showing of a streetcar named desire, dinner, and a bonfire.

have a great weekend and a happy mother's day!

the song goose came up with while i braided her hair...

2008-05-06T10:16:00.004-04:00

we are the boob marchers... we put our boobs... out of our shirts... when we want to be... boob marchers!

a rare morning indeed...

2008-05-06T09:05:00.005-04:00

it's after nine am and my goose is still slumbering. wow. well, i've checked up on all my favorite blogs, read email, responded to facebook and myspace messages, looked at the photos of the wedding my mom and i uploaded to her brand spanking new flickr account last nite (by the way, my mom is RIOTOUSLY funny when it comes to the interweb... fantastically clueless.) and even managed a lovely self-styled photobooth photoshoot and came up with a new blogger profile picture.

so i guess the only thing left to do is post! (how is it that she is still sleeping?)

anyhow, today is our elmwood science spot day, which i love because i'm seeing whole new aspects of gooselette's personality each class... two classes ago, she went around the whole room and took a POLL (made the tally marks and everything!) on what ice cream everyone favored- then she BUILT A GRAPH with little plastic blocks to REPRESENT HER DATA. she is THREE!!!!

next i think we'll head out to joanne fabrics. as much as i'd rather do all my craft shopping at elmwood village fabrics (shameless promotion!) i don't think sandy carries vinyl or quilt batting (actually she probably does have quilt batting) but i know she doesn't have paper clay, which i need so goose can make this for her mama's mother's day present. the vinyl and quilt batting are for a gooselette fourth birthday project which i will hopefully not slack on posting pictures of when completed.

oh my goodness! sleepyhead rises... the goose just padded into the kitchen in her pink nightshift, clutching yellow blankie, elephant, tiger and lion... i better go fix her some waffles!

have a blessed day!

**keeping the people of myanmar in my thoughts and prayers**

inspiring

2008-05-05T10:37:00.004-04:00

"around the year" tasha tudor

"you are my little bird" elizabeth mitchell

resurfacing

2008-05-05T10:32:00.002-04:00

last night a scene flashed before my eyes as i paused in a moment between wakefulness and sleep- i was looking down from the canopy of a rainforest, 1000's of feet above the ground. my heart felt light, i felt totally free... it was heaven. then i fell asleep. i dreamt of a flood. and this morning i feel like i am emerging from water above my head.
i found out i am closer to being (credit) debt free than i had imagined. i can register for college. and i am going to attempt to do so, if there is an opportunity for me to take a summer night class.
the freedom is right there, in front of me. i just have to reach out and grab it.

we are good stewards of the earth...

2008-04-24T07:44:00.003-04:00

i just wanted to make quick mention that my two wee girls and i did a little trash pick up on tuesday (earth day) while h was at her cello lesson. also, goose helped me plant a wee evergreen seedling i was given at the co-op monday. i just potted it, being that i am a renter and probably shouldn't go around doing permanent landscaping in the yard.
hope your earth day was great and you took some time to do something to help the earth!

grateful...

2008-04-23T22:28:00.005-04:00

if i weren't h's nanny, i probably wouldn't be enrolling in a fencing class.

happy earth day!

2008-04-22T07:52:00.002-04:00

hurrah, today is earth day! unfortunately my day plan consists of driving a mini-van (not a hybrid.) all over the city, and buying groceries. at least the groceries will be bagged in reusable canvas!
i will probably try to interest the girls in a little neighborhood clean-up. we'll see. hope you all have a great earth day!

uh oh.

2008-04-07T11:22:00.002-04:00

tax man just called. i owe the state of new york and the federal govt a combined four thousand dollars.

i'll give it a minute for that to sink in.

four thousand dollars?!?!??!!?

that is AFTER deducting health insurance costs and work-related expenses.

and some quick math proved to me that i am being paid $7.75/hr.

now, i never wanted to seem greedy which is why i just kind of said "mmmkay" when i was given a raise. instead of saying "no way. i need such-and-such monies."

this... was a bad decision.

so now it is imperative that i have "the talk". the problem- mom is out of town for the next 3 weeks.

i am in a pickle, friends. donations will be accepted.

the trip.

2008-04-06T02:10:00.002-04:00

i'm watching spike lee's "when the levees broke" right now. it's 2 am, i should mention, and i am exhausted... but it's almost unbearable somehow either to look at or to turn away from the screen.
my mom and i will be headed to new orleans, lousiana in six days. we leave next saturday morning at 6 am. the following week will be spent with camp restore, doing re-building work. i have been anticipating this for so long, since, i think it was december when we decided to go... and now that it is upon us i am getting more and more anxious. especially now, seeing this documentary. i think the filming was done soon after the storm, so i am sure things have cooled down somewhat. but seeing this doc is giving me a whole different impression from what i saw on the news during that time. it's indescribably bad. horrific. unjust. and most of all, heartbreaking.
i am worried that my small effort will not truly make much difference. i hope i am wrong.

crafty-lack

2008-04-03T10:19:00.007-04:00

i have been so lacking in kid oriented craftiness lately. pulling out the markers, crayons and paper has been staid and boring. gone seem the days of adventuresome crafting like marble painting, pine cone bird feeders, and other such.
lucky for me,soulemama saves the day! in addition to receiving her book (hopefully) sometime this week, i just found a fantastic links on her blog- "the crafty crow".
it's a children's craft collective~ lots of beautiful, meaningful, spot-on projects, many including items from nature. check it out!

cakes and cakes...

2008-03-28T08:04:00.004-04:00

the decorating process was by far my favorite part of this cake thing. scary (is it going to tip over? am i going to rip a chunk of cake out while trying to spread the frosting?) painstaking (how many dots are on there, exactly? each one having to be smoothed by a fingertip!) and exhilarating (three tiers and no disasters to speak of!) i would do another one in a heartbeat. especially because all the while i thought of my mom, her happiness, what she will say and think when she sees this surprise cake. it's very worth it.

heres the cake, assembled, with a greasy, frostingy film over the lens of my phone's camera:

this is the completed cake:

and the fancy top, adorned with edible glitter (that tastes very much like soap):

all in all, despite it's lopsided-ness, i'd call it a success!

too much tube.

2008-03-21T21:38:00.003-04:00

tv is making me think i need things that i really don't and i am not being sated by searching the internet. ugh. consumerism depresses me.

what i remember...

2008-03-20T08:41:00.003-04:00

this morning i happened to put on liz mitchell's "you are my sunshine" cd, and i was flooded with memories.

i remember cheerio breakfasts on the dock with my ladybird, basking in the slowly warming june morning air. i remember walks down the riverbank in a slight mist with both girls clad in rain gear, hopping in mud puddles. i remember brushing m's hair, the smell of the fresh, clean sheets i had changed earlier that morning as we sat on the bed braiding blonde strands. i remember games of pirate ship, obstacle course, gymnastics on the trampoline. i remember cold winter mornings waiting for kk's bus in the warmth of my car at the end of the driveway. i remember the time the three of us fell asleep in front of the fireplace. i remember the mardi gras parade ladybird m and i created out of shoeboxes and streamers. i remember looking over my shoulder as we drove to pre-k and smiling at that chubby blonde cherub buckled into her car seat. i remember her lamb costume in the christmas pageant, and how sweetly she sang. i remember them jumping off the dock and paddling furiously to me in their bright yellow life vests. i remember building forts in the living room with kitchen chairs and piles of blankets. i remember reading harriet the spy to kk on the fancy couch in her mommy's sitting room. i remember three hand squeezes meant "i love you", and how we'd give them to each other before and after each pre-k class.

i miss it all.

l'amour

2008-03-13T08:22:00.003-04:00

somewhat of a momentous day yesterday. things were normal enough until my mom called me at work and told me she'd be getting married on march 28th.

my mom's been with her fiance (sp?) for 7 years-ish now, and they have intended to marry for most of those years, while, unfortunately, divorce finalization procedures dragged on for both of them. certain joyous and then tragic events had prevented them from marrying last summer, or at least it wasn't such an urgent feeling before we lost our little guy. now my mom is clinging to the marriage idea and discussed at great length with me how torn she was over waiting until the spring to have the big family wedding in her backyard that she wanted, or just getting it done at the justice of the peace. they came up with something in between, and will be getting married in their church with a very few guests. IN TWO WEEKS. with reception to follow- in about 3 months.

i can't say how pleased i am for them. throughout struggles innumerable they have relied on each other, rested on each other, been each others rock. they have a bond more inspiring to me than i know how to say.

ahhh, weekends.

2008-03-08T22:11:00.004-05:00

recharging the proverbial batteries- no babysitting for the past 3 weekends in a row. it gives the whole weekend such a different vibe, so much more laid back. today was lovely. i woke up at 9:30, which is perfect because it's not too early nor too late. did yoga, watched tivo'ed jamie at home, did some light cleaning, threw clothes in the laundry, took a leisurely shower, hung out with jay before he had to run to work, ate lunch of leftover "jicken vings" (rick's vegetarian chicken wing recipe), played around with my new facebook acct, had one ear on the sabres game, baked cookies, made a mix cd for my friend dana, drank some red wine, ate steamed asparagus... and here it is 10:15. so, all in all, a most perfect day. i even somewhat enjoyed all the shoveling.

friday lunch

2008-03-07T12:26:00.004-05:00

swedish pancake recipe adapted from posie:

3 eggs (that's my modification, due to the fact we only HAD 3 eggs, but i think they actually came out better that way!)
1 c. flour
1 T. sugar
1 t. salt (oops. i forgot it... no harm, no foul.)
1 c. milk
a little bloop of vegetable oil

Whisk eggs, flour, sugar, and salt together into a smooth paste. Slowly whisk in milk until just combined, then add a bit of oil (just to keep them from sticking) and stir again. Ladle or pour the batter onto the griddle over medium heat, and tip pan to swirl batter into a thin circle. Flip when edges look dry.

today we made a nice cream cheese (whipped with a generous scoop of powdered sugar) spread, and slathered that on the cakes, then topped them with strawberry jam, rolled them up and ate them with our fingers! yum. my little ones love swedish pancakes! and pippi longstocking too.

me not working

2008-03-01T01:30:00.003-05:00

target for neccessities (if delicious smelling body wash is considered such.)
visiting with a friend.
flight of the concords while eating smartfood popcorn.
not to mention eye of the bee organic wine.
vintage coat swap (my below-the-knee gray wool with gray and creme plaid inset, 3/4 length sleeves, and my full length sleeve yellow-navy-green plaid hip length wool for her pea green knee length wide fur collar epic button number... i have loose morals when it comes to fur, vintage is somehow okay.)
nonstop snow since 2pm this afternoon- the quiet it brings.
simon & garfunkel then camera obscura with iPod on random driving home in boyfriends borrowed car.
the darjeeling limited for the second time, hardly paying attention due to interweb distraction.
soft solid stripy kitty planted firmly in the crook of my knee as i lie here in bed.
oh, and drinking the last of that eye of the bee straight outta compton... erm, i mean, the bottle.

updations

2008-02-29T08:10:00.002-05:00

goose and i have been keeping ourselves busy, which is so good after such a long convalescence period... i have sought some activities for us beyond our library story hour gig, and what i've come up with is this;
toddler hour on tuesdays at the elmwood science spot
the ubiquitous 'story hour' at the library thursdays (we've been doing that for over a year now)
and we're giving the waldorf mom's 'handwork group' a try today. illness and presidents day long weekends have barred us from attending before, but we are on our way now! the moms (caregivers?) bring their rugrats to wiggle and wriggle while the ladies do hand knitting/sewing projects. am i psyched? you bet! i guess i better wake the goose now, as it's 8:15am and the group starts at 9!
but, right quick, i have found a very adorable blog (in a roundabout way from soulemama) at this point in it's infancy- but heartbreakingly cute nonetheless... adie loves polly, a girl and her polariod, right after my own heart! (and i must say her images are much better than a great deal of mine! so warm and golden!)

lunar eclipse

2008-02-21T08:01:00.006-05:00

just wanted to make note that last night there was a lunar eclipse, which i saw perfectly from my bedroom window. unfortunately i am a dunce and did not want to snag jason's super-awesome camera to photograph it myself, so i was contended to stare at it in wonder. when i first started watching it was about 1/4 covered in shadow, and by about 10:15 it looked like this:

there was a bright star directly above it, as well as to the left of it.
this morning, as i ascended the hill on my walk to work, this incredible purplish-pink-blue sky loomed ahead, and low in the western sky was this brilliant yellow moon, just absolutely massive. i felt so fortunate to have been able to see such an incredible sight- it almost made up for the fact that i had to be at work at 7 am, half an hour early.

five day weekend..

2008-02-15T12:48:00.003-05:00

no, not for me. the kids are off today, monday and tuesday. we're taking turns having really nice fun times and driving each other insane today... ice skating ahead to round out the end of the day (i'm making hot chocolate for the thermos) and i see sledding in our near future.
boy is teaching himself smoke on the water and ironman on the piano and cello. true rockstar.

siiiiiick

2008-02-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

here we go again.
i've gotten boy's bug... i seriously feel as though i've been sick since november. i can't wait until it ends!
i have felt so ineffective here at work. all this illness, coupled with awful weather... we haven't done much of anything this winter. last year we went sledding, played outside, made snowmen, even went skiing... this year we've done none of those things. i feel guilty but i can't really help it.
i can't wait until these germs leave me alone, and i can start focusing not only on my lovies here but also my future... lots of things to contemplate for this fall.

will it never end?

2008-02-04T10:21:00.000-05:00

i was really hoping we'd be over it by now... i'm developing an extreme case of cabin fever. we haven't really been able to leave the house outside of lessons/classes/bus pickups for two weeks.
it started with gooselette, wormed it's way into mooselette and the girl, and now is relishing extra time with the boy... "it" of course being the mysterious vomit/diarrhea outbreak that's making the rounds here, and keeping everyone glued to the couch in what i have now deemed "the sick room".
oh man, am i crossing my fingers that it skips me. keeping myself uncontaminated is going to be extra hard, however, seeing as i'll be overnighting here tonight due to the 'rents being on vacation until tomorrow. so, lets double my chances of exposure! hoorah!
ugh.
additional highlights of the vacation weekend? thursday, boy broke his neighbors garage window whilst playing hockey with some homies... oops. neighbor called and said he JUST fixed the window for the THIRD time in the past year. he was, umm... not thrilled.
also, boy forgot to remove his iPod from his pants pocket apres ski, resulting in it's being washed along with said pants. all i can say is, thankfully it wasn't me washing them! whew. that was gramma, who spent the weekend here, and who has no apologies about sending the 'pod through the ringer. good for her! she says she never checks pockets and isn't about to change that policy. i, since putting a yellow crayon through the dryer back in the 'poose and roo days, have decided to ALWAYS check pockets, no matter what.
i so love their gramma, she is just totally awesome.

in other news, i just felt a super strong nostalgic urge to listen to jenny lewis & the watson twins rabbit fur coat album. ooooooooooohh so good.

monday's child

2008-01-30T20:12:00.000-05:00

is fair of face,
tuesdays child is full of grace,
wednesdays child is full of woe,
thursdays child has far to go,
fridays child is loving and giving,
saturdays child works hard for his living,
and the child that is born on the Sabbath day
is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

birthday times

2008-01-28T18:04:00.000-05:00

well, i hit the big two five this weekend. mom and jay threw me a surprise party which was nice. favorite prezzie? the polaroid camera + film from jay... now i can start posting to my polaroid:poem blog (when i stop being so lazy as to not "have time" to upload photos.)

the goose pukes again! in which i count my blessings.

2008-01-23T07:35:00.000-05:00

upon arrival at work this morning i'm informed that goosey has vomited three times over the previous evening and night. it's a mystery- she was as happy as you please all day yesterday with no fever and no other visible sign of illness, save an occasionally drippy nose.
i had a terrible night's sleep last night and felt nauseous from very early morning on until waking at 7am. i wonder if our afflictions are linked?
anyhow, i woke up cursing my alarm and grumbling about not having had enough sleep and then, suddenly, was struck with a very insistent voice that said "SHUT UP. you have NO RIGHT to be complaining!" the voice was right. regardless of the quality of my sleep, it was in a bed with a pumping heater nearby and a roof overhead. i slept under blankets wearing pajamas with the knowledge that the next morning i'd be waking up early to go to a steady job doing something i love and being able to afford not only my rent but also the health insurance that keeps me safe (in a way) even though i moan and groan constantly about paying THAT!
and sure enough, as i'm walking to work, a man is calling out across the street to a person starting their car; "wash your window for a quarter?!?"
indeed, i have no right to be complaining.

in which i clean up vomit...

2008-01-22T08:57:00.000-05:00

puke. in this line of work, it's something one becomes well familiar with. poor gooselette woke up this morning with a nice brown chunk of it next to her head (not to mention tangled in her hair and covering the shoulder of her nightgown) and to say i was grossed out is a bit of an understatement. she came downstairs, wafting that cheesy throw-up smell, and told me there was "spaghetti in [her] bed". she seemed rather unaffected, as it took quite a bit of wheedling for me to get her into the tub.
every time i deal with vomit i'm reminded of my "favorite" puke story... working at a daycare when i was about 18, a little girl (an extremely emotional little tyke) got herself super worked up, crying and hiccupping and practically hyperventilating. i sat her down next to me on a wee couch, rubbing her back and trying to calm her down, when suddenly- she starts spouting puke. my hand, somehow instinctively, goes under her chin and catches the stream.
amy, my fellow care provider, looks at me and says "wow, that would have made me throw up, too." before she hightails it out of the room.
ahh, memories.

sick and ick.

2008-01-11T18:02:00.000-05:00

man, am i glad to be out of yesterday's deep blue funk... after 8 days and counting of cough and cold symptoms of my own, with tween angst and general snarliness thrown on top, in addition to a home-from-school-2-days-already 5 year old's fever/cold symptoms, the last thing i needed was to come down with a serious case of sad-onitis. my brain was really torturing me yesterday; reminding me of lots of things i'd rather not be reminded of and piling high a list of irrational worries and fears. i don't know what it was, the general suckiness of cold season, the fact that i haven't gotten my b.c. prescription filled in like 2 weeks (hormonal craziness, darlings...) or just plain grief... but yesterday was a seriously tough one.
luckily i thought of a way out... aside from just leaving work, which in itself was a nice respite. instead of wallowing, i started gorging- not on pig-out sad food, mind you, but on sewing books! pattern books (amy butler, wendy mullin) and my all time fave readers digest illustrated sewing giude given me by my very very very favorite person, miss nina from minnesota! and i ended up crafting a sweet lil' softie for my boy, who has had a hell-week of his own and a very tough day to face today.
there's nothing like a pile of lime green felt to cheer oneself!

a long time coming...

2007-12-30T12:32:00.000-05:00

wow, i didn't realize it's been so long since i last posted...

the new york trip was... interesting, but not without it's share of drawbacks... some of which were: having to buy new tires on the way, getting lost on the way into brooklyn, and the ice storm and subsequent breakdown of the car on the way home...

however, it was good to spend time with our newly engaged friends chad and katie, though more then a few derogatory comments were randomly made regarding "blogging" so you can see i might have felt a bit uncomfortable about that.

we didn't really do all that much; the highlight was the craftacular, as expected, where i scored some excellent christmas gifts for friends and fam. ate dinner our first night at anytime in williamsburg, saw a little open-mike thing also in w-b, rode around in the subway a bit... oh, how could i forget? jason and i explored the west village on our last day and quested to find a banksy exhibit in chelsea our friend pat mentioned the night before when we saw him bartending at enid's. that and the show of john lennon's drawings we sort of stumbled into were definitely highlights, although the lennon show only really served to make me cry a lot.

since then it's been solstice, hosting "in-law's", christmas festivities, and now spending the last days of vacation at my family's home.

tomorrow is new years eve. i know i have to go to work in the morning, not sure if it will be a full day, and still unsure of whether or not i will be expected in on tuesday.

however, since it's new years and all, i suppose i should mention that i'm trying to re-group and "get my affairs in order" as they say... hehe. well, taxes anyway, and decisions regarding (ominously?) "the future". scary stuff.

i hope to get some photos posted soon, as i've fallen behind in that for a long while. i have tons of cool shots of the kiddos from all our merry holiday activities.

now, at the start of a new year; wishing you presence, mindfulness, patience and kindness.

possibly the most exciting thing...

2007-12-06T15:23:00.000-05:00

about going on this trip will be the BUST craftacular at the met pavillion on saturday!

countdown...

2007-12-03T08:06:00.001-05:00

to new york city! jason's taking me this weekend, friday through sunday...
brooklyn museum, MoMA, wendy mullin's boutique, uniqlo, rockefeller center, a couple of bands in some chill bars in brooklyn, checking out enids and barcade (two pubs jason talks constantly about from his last trip) seeing all our friends... i'm so excited!

blecchh....

2007-11-29T12:55:00.001-05:00

i am feeling so out of it today. groggy and foggy and tired and molasses-slow. not sure if it's mostly due to the intense pain of a wisdom tooth that occasionally makes an attempt at infiltrating my mouth, therefore displacing some of my gum and hurting my mouth and jaw like a b-eye-itch (i can say i know exactly how a teething baby feels right now.) or the excretion of the lining of a certain reproductive organ that is happening at the moment, or the goose-cough that's been plaguing me for 2 or 3 weeks now... but it is certainly all piling on to take it's toll on my vitality.
oh yeah, the dog that is attempting to devour me right now as i type this is not helping much. thank goodness that "experiment" ends saturday.

my new mantra...

2007-11-27T10:06:00.000-05:00

be present.

be mindful.

be patient.

be kind.

easy enough to think up in a quiet moment... quite difficult to call on in a stressful situation.

thanksgives.

2007-11-08T22:43:00.001-05:00

i had a doctors appointment yesterday morning, a new patient exam with a GP (which i haven't had since well... ever. skipped from a pediatrician to, uh, no health care.)
the doctor, juliane, was very very nice. and one of the first things she told me?
"you have to see a dentist."
you know, i was pretty reluctant to open my mouth for her to shine that little light in there, being that i am fully aware that i haven't seen a dentist in too long to even reveal here... so yeah, thanks juliane, for confirming my worst fear- a disgusting mouth.
right after the dr., the wee one and i headed to the grocery store... a chain in western new york called wegmans (what, what! best supermarket ever!) where there is a babysitting area provided to fulfill the dream of shopping sans child. this particular day we happened to hit wegmans late enough for "w-kids" as it's called to be open, and the goose decided she'd like to hang out there.
just FYI, i got heavy grocery shopping for the family and light grocery shopping for my own needs done in literally A HALF AN HOUR. seriously? i need to be on supermarket sweep.
anyhow,goose got stickers upon leaving w-kids. we headed to burger king (because after buying nearly $200 worth of healthy groceries, what makes more sense than spending more money on unhealthy processed food?)
on line for our big juicy cow-burgers (just kidding; i got a veggie burger and a salad, goose got chicken mc-thingies.) goose asked what the sticker she'd gotten from w-kids said. "happy thanksgiving" i read.
she then proceeded to say something over and over, which i couldn't understand. when iasked her to repeat herself, she lowered her voice as she often does when i can't understand her in the first place, and whispered "i thanksgive you"
wow. way to make my day.

putting it behind me. (for the purposes of the blog only.)

2007-11-07T19:37:00.000-05:00

no more posts about that stuff down there. if you're interested in reading my "personal" blog, rather than this one that focuses mostly on my job, please shoot me your email address.

onward.

(above)
that was a warm day back in september we spent with two of our favorite story hour friends and their mommies.

(below)
an image of our 'nature table', one of the ways i'm trying to incorporate some waldorf ideals into our everyday.

daylight savings.

2007-11-04T01:11:00.000-04:00

i just went back in time one hour.

my life is now divided:

before he was alive.
while he was living.
after he died.

it is still very early in the third stage.

at least one person's been asking...

2007-10-08T20:24:00.001-04:00

where am i? well, it's hard to say. somewhere between earth and sky, my mind and my guts...
in the space between my ears, thoughts whiz by with such force they knock my head around. the kind of thoughts that love to drag tears out of those little holes under my eyes. the sorts of thoughts that feast on those tears and chant "more more more!" in efforts to squeeze every drop of moisture from me.
my life is upside down, under over inside outside behind and through. i have been tied in knots and wrung like a sponge and torn and wadded up and stretched back out again. i'm broken... then some nice people were kind enough to come along and glue me back together. but i only sort of look like myself.
it's hard for me to do my job now, as much as i want to lose myself in it.
i'm sorry i can't be more forthcoming. maybe someday i will but probably not.
in the meantime, please send your loving thoughts and prayers to my family, especially my mom, stepdad and brother, they need it most.

remember fraggle rock? my kids love it.

2007-08-17T20:47:00.000-04:00

let it be known, i love my job. even though i spent roundabout 6 to 8 grueling hours completely overhauling the bedroom of two girls ages five and three; while said five and three year old bugged their eight year old sister and hung out in that bedroom with the door closed to keep the old cat away from the new kitty, and their nearly ten year old brother basked in little-sister-free harry potter viewing, my last half hour was completely blissful- building doozer buildings with all three of my gals in complete peace and harmony.

oh, also, in case you hadn't noticed, i've a real penchant for run-on sentences. see, even that was one!

the last day... edit: now with exciting corresponding pictoral images

2007-08-12T20:37:00.000-04:00

vacation is over... nearly. it's nine pm on sunday night. i will wake at seven am tomorrow to return to my family... back to my munchkins, back to the routine. i can't say i'm not looking forward to it. days on end without a real sense of purpose can begin to wear on you. however, it's not to say i didn't do many many things.
-worked on a new amy butler bag pattern, the frenchy bag... made two, a handbag for momma and a shoulder bag for my friend C, with the word "epicerie" hand embroidered on (it means grocery in french.)

cleaned the whole house and did some kitchen reorganizing...
and kept the sink free of dishes all week!
took my little bro to a theme park;
rode many, many rides, ate lots and lots of junkfood and spent much, much too much money
relived my childhood with my brother the next day with a splash at his neighborhood pool, and a quick game of pickup baseball... i climbed a fence!
later that night we took the underground to the stadium in my neck of the woods and saw a buffalo bisons baseball game... they won!
saturday jason and i spent together, eating a leisurely scrambled eggs and (veg) sausage breakfast, then going to the county fair (the freak show that was would require it's very own blog post, which i may try to get to at some point.)

today we visited our friend tony's grave... which is marked not with a tombstone but with a skateboard, what else? it was a sad time, and fittingly, it began to rain.
when we got home, there was a big rainbow in the sky, it was beautiful.

most recently, i was working in the garden for a couple of hours, cleaning things up and harvesting.

i have so many photos from this week that i think would make this post monumentally more interesting, unfortunately i can't find my USB port cord thingie, so i've got lots and lots of photos languishing in the camera. as soon as i find that, i will come back and liven this post up with pictures of all the things of which i speak, including the soap i made for my friend nina's wedding favors.

seriously?

2007-08-07T10:05:00.000-04:00

i haven't blogged since june? it's AUGUST. my blog was neglected for an entire month? things have been that crazy. looking back on it, it was really even crazier than it felt while we were in the midst of it all.

for one thing, i had all 4 precocious youths for the majority of the month, and we took a mini vacation together to their grandparents lake house, just me, them and my brother (the grammar in that sentence seemed icky.) every thursday was farm day (which continues into fall) at the CSA the family belongs to, an hour's drive from home. two trips to the beach (little under an hour, except the time i tried to get fancy about the route and ended up lost and going in circles for 20 minutes.) harry potter day at the central library, which of course meant costume sewing, and a trip to the historical fort niagara state park the day before that complete with a big dinner with our friends and a sleepover. july also saw a cello recital, a tooth extraction and cavity filling for girl, boys first backyard harvest of some really gigundo cukes, and mooselettes fifth birthday.

the reason i have half a second to post this right now? why, it must be

V A C A T I O N T I M E

of course!
a whole 9 days to myself... which, in anticipation, seemed like an eternity. now that i'm off work, time is flying. tuesday? seriously? and what did i spent most of my day doing yesterday? you guessed it folks. cleaning the kitchen. today's grand plan? a bedroom overhaul. exciting, huh?
anyway, i do have some actual exciting plans... i'll be taking my lil' bro to an amusement park either tomorrow or thursday, a bisons game friday attended by my said bro and young cousins in town from texas, and a ride on the whirlpool jet boat this weekend (i hope) with my mom and aunt.

well, it's time to roll up my sleeves and get to work on the bedroom- great fun!

i'm baaaaaaaaack!

2007-06-27T08:49:00.001-04:00

good morning! here i am at work. it's so funny, but despite the ever present abhorrence of waking up at 7 am, once i got here this morning i felt like i'd just gotten home.
the meatballs didn't get to bed until 2 am last night after arriving home from california. today was the boy and girl's first day of ballet camp, so against my wishes i had to wake them from angelic slumber at twenty after eight. boy could hardly keep his eyes open as he ate the pain au chocolat i baked this morning (don't worry folks, it was a tube of crescent rolls with chocolate chips stuffed in; i'm not all that enterprising!)
hilariously, girl popped her eyes open the minute i entered her room and her first words to me were "i have bad news"... i assumed she was referring to the poison oak she somehow contracted ON HER FACE that mrs. mom told me about before she left this morning, but no.
"i didn't find any lava rock. but we were only on the beach one time to look for it! i did find an abalone shell though!"
i sent them off in their ballet camp carpool with lunches packed and bellies full. so my day feels as if it's yet to begin. moose and goose are still fast asleep but i'm expecting to find them in cranky moods when they do rise. apparently the consensus with mr. dad and mrs. mom is that goose has an ear infection. i'm sure six hours in a plane really worked wonders for that, too... poor thing. so we've got a 10:45 appointment with the pediatrician.

still on vacation

2007-06-26T16:47:00.000-04:00

can i do this forever? this "nothing", that is...
it's ironic that i get the most done when i have nothing to do. laundry, swimming laps at the gym, concocting various culinary delights, reading books, sewing projects, to say nothing of having a moment for blogging. ok so maybe irony is the wrong word (thanks alanis morrisette for having us all believe irony is an extremely simple concept and not the incredibly complex, english-degree-required-to-fully-understand one that it is.) but i am happy nonetheless to have these precious hours (days really) to relax and explore and feel fantastic, generally.
quick overview- the "camping" trip was fun but perhaps a little daunting with being in such close quarters with the fam for 2 days & 3 nights. they're all awesome, super, wonderful... in slightly smaller doses. still, fun was had by all.
got 2 trips to the gym in over the past 5 days (2 more than in the previous two months, sad to say...)
spent QT sunday with boyfriend, hiking in the niagara gorge with cameras at the ready. poor allergy-ridden guy had to call in sick from work yesterday, which made my second to last day off considerably more enjoyable since i had him all to myself, all day. ended up finding the perfect dress for my friend nina's wedding, however, my cups (if you get the drift) runneth over, so i'm hoping a tailor can help ease my woes, as well as finding the worlds most perfect brassiere. oh, just a quick PSA to all those busty ladies out there- DO NOT approach victorias secret for their "100 ways" or "very sexy convertible bra"... does it make any sense to put a GEL INSERT as well as an inch and a half of padding in a DOUBLE D bra?? no. no it does not.
tomorrow it's back to hauling myself out of bed at 7 am for a ten hour workday... luckily it's only a 3 day work week, so i can ease myself back into it. we start off with big kids in ballet camp for the rest of this week and all of next, and then on to big kids at sleepaway for two weeks, so i'm looking forward to lots of fun with the teeny eeny girls.
well, i'd better get back to...

doing absolutely nothing.

when i feel lost, i am not, at all.

2007-06-22T11:18:00.000-04:00

wow. only the first morning of my mini vay-cay and i am feeling FABULOUS...
if i may paint you a little picture- spent some time with my friends drinking mojitos last nite, went home and watched the movie babel (it was really good) then went to bed... woke up this morning and spic-n-spanned the whole apartment, then fixed myself a delicious, nutritious breakfast which i then carried out on a tray to the backyard oasis i recently set up (newly thrifted (ugh plastic) adairondak chairs, a garbage picked table) under my cherry trees... so far i've started reading an adorable novel i found tucked away in the kids playroom, and had a nice chat with my neighbor about he and his girlfriend's (my friend dana, i think i've probably mentioned her) quest to buy a house. actually, the backyard is where i am now, on jason's laptop, soaking up the 5 bars of wi-fi i'm getting out here. it's slightly cool but i'm in the shade- it's truly a gorgeous day.
things at work have been great- moose's behaviour has certainly shifted for the better, while goose is getting whinier and needier each day... i'm working on it.
the 'big kids' finished school a day early and the whole fam jumped on a plane out to san diego for a family reunion, which is the reason i have the next four days off (is it already noon of the first day of my vacation!?!? nooooo!)
i'm planning on dancing around a bonfire tomorrow night to celebrate summer solstice, berry picking, and just laying around in hammocks for the majority of the rest of the time- i'm going "camping" with my family- basically setting up tents outside their friends house (he owns a lot of land) and it should be a pretty swell time- many gardenburgers will be grilled (i'm going to attempt making some from scratch!) and many, many mojitos will be imbibed.

the countdown begins...

2007-06-12T20:30:00.001-04:00

seven... count 'em, seven... working days until the end of the school year. seven days until i've got four kids... count 'em, four... for ten hours a day. SEVEN DAYS UNTIL TEN HOUR DAYS WITH FOUR KIDS FOR 3 MONTHS!

of course, this is an exaggeration. i'll have 8 days off (plus some extras) over the course of the summer, and the big kids will be at sleepaway camp for 2 weeks in july. i've got long lists of places to go (including the usual zoo/science museum/art gallery but certainly not limited to those ubiquitous three!) and more lists of things to do (gardening, cooking, sewing, etc. etc.)

then there's the issue of summer homeschooling, which i'd like to do VERY casually, just to keep the girl and boy fresh on what they've learned in 2nd and 4th grade respectively. boy has picked chemistry and cooking as his 'in depth' fields of study and girl has chosen geology and likewise cooking. the area is rife with opportunity for the exploration of both those scientific pursuits and the kitchen is well equipped for cooking, not to mention the fact that cooking (baking anyway) technically IS chemistry.
i'm planning on attempting to equip gooselette with some pre-pre-k basics and start a more formal pre-k program with her this fall. with moose i'll be working on emotions and character traits, probably mixing in some basics as well, and we'll be working on reading but nothing pushy. she starts kindergarten in the fall.

i'm looking forward to a more relaxed pace (no rushing around to get places five minutes after the kids get off the bus) more naps for goose, less tension and lots of fun.

summer? bring it on.

grrrr.

2007-05-31T18:07:00.000-04:00

bit of an incident with moose today. she's been really problematic for a while now, throwing wild tantrums and exhibiting blatant wrongful behaviour. i thought since mr. dad and mrs. mom were home from espana she would cool down and things would get better. they have to a degree. however, this afternoon i was getting a snack packed in a cooler bag for the 4 of them as they were off to girl's soccer practice, and moose sneaks up and grabs my sunglasses off the counter. she knows full well they are mine but she started chanting "these aren't your sunglasses, these aren't yours..." and holds them by the arm, shaking them around. i handled the situation badly, and i feel shite for it, but i picked up her new mosaic elephant (it's a 2 inch tall sculpture made of plaster.) and said "trade you"... obviously she wasn't taking the bait. actually what she did was attempt to bend the arm off my sunglasses. this would have been the third pair to be broken by one of these children, only the first two were broken by goose and they were complete accidents. what happened after that, well, i'm not sure how much was pure accident and how much was subconciously intentional. all i know is i went around the counter to grab my glasses from her and... let go of the elephant.

the leg breaks off.
the sobbing begins.

nice.

mr. dad is home, which makes me more flustered because it's time for me to go home, and i really want to go home. really. so i'm dropping more stuff all over the place, looking like an idiot.

now moose thinks i am condoning breaking things when someone refuses to listen to your requests.

just what i needed.

whew.

2007-05-24T17:23:00.000-04:00

well, i feel like i really have a reason to have neglected the blogging this week... mr. dad and mrs. mom have been abroad- spain to be slightly more precise. i've been working 15 hour days, thankfully mrs. mom's sister came to do the overnights. well, she was here during the day also, so i got an adult to talk to and hang out with! she was super fun. she has a new baby, so we took gooselette and babykins to the zoo and to the waterfront. field days, hoorah! mrs. mom's mother came yesterday to help out and also visit with her daughter and baby nephew, and she decided to kidnap the kids and take them out to their cabin in the mountains for this memorial day weekend.

which means that yours truly has the next 4 days off.

of course, i'm using this kid-free time to get cleaning done here at the house (it looks gorgeous already and i've only just finished the kitchen!) then i have to go home and do it all over again- my "in-laws" are visiting this weekend so i have to get things cleaned up (hence why i didn't tag along to the lake with the kids!)

i can't believe how sweet grandma and aunt were... they gave me a lot of validation that i've been really holding things together here since mrs. mom took her new (incredibly full-time) job, and just tons of compliments in general on my style of caring for the kids. it felt so great to hear those things.

well, as for me i'm going to start enjoying my un-anticipated time off!

in case you hadn't noticed...

2007-05-09T08:11:00.000-04:00

i'd been hoarding blog posts the past couple days in my email... so finally they're posted.
things have been kind of crazy around here... the mom and daughter (willow) we jog with monday, wednesday and friday are great, and we have a lot of fun with them. we end up spending the whole day with them after our jogs. "the mom", C, is a life coach and she's amazing to talk to, and gives great advice. i'm so grateful to have her as a friend!
the other thing is mooselette's recent revert to temper tantrums- bad ones. she's 4 years old (i think that's pertinent info) and turns 5 in june. and these tantrums are insane. screaming, crying fits, throw some gratutitous clawing and smacking into the mix (directed at me of course) and a light sprinkling of "i hate you"s added on for good measure. it's been frustrating to say the least. i'm going to start monitoring factors like sleepiness (she said she was tired before yesterday's flip-out) and sugar consumption. i actually started a log last night so i can more easily identify patterns.
can't wait until june- my family and i are trying to get a road trip to chicago planned! it will be so fun... if i can get the time off!